It doesn’t matter whether you’ve been married, for six, sixteen or sixty years when your, husband or wife passes away it feels nothing short of unbearable. You may have known what was about to happen, or theirs may have been a sudden death that couldn’t have been predicted. Whatever the circumstances there’s never a right time to leave loved ones, but after they’re gone how soon is too soon for you to consider a new beginning?
Flickr Image: Ian MacKenzie
Be Content By Yourself First
This may take mere months or it may be a number of years before you feel settled, healed and ready to start a new chapter. Many widows, or widowers while being in loving relationships choose never to marry again while others find comfort in a new wife, or husband. It’s important that you take this time to learn how to live without your partner, to grieve in whatever way you need to in order to find peace before you jump into another emotional connection with someone.
Don’t Rush The Relationship
You may find that being amongst different people, making new friends and trying new activities is enough. However, there’s no shame in admitting that you miss the companionship, intimacy, and support that your marriage gave you. Many of the dates you’ll find yourself on may end in friendships, short relationships or even brief love affairs. Try not to force a new stage in life, or worse, persuade someone to move in with, or even marry you when it’s clear neither you or they are ready.
Give Yourself Permission To Live
It can be easy to fall into the trap of thinking ‘now Jim’s gone I’ll never be happy again’ but this simply isn’t true. Allow yourself to laugh, love and live. Watch silly TV programs, start learning a new language or even travel abroad alone. If you’re looking to meet someone new then why not sign up to an over 60s dating site? There are plenty of options for widows and widowers to choose from and you’ll find that lots of people are simply looking for someone to share the little things in life with.
Stop Thinking About Everyone Else
Only you can decide how soon is too soon? If the thought of your deceased partner still brings tears to your eyes and not fond smiles it may be a tad too early. According to many widows, there’s a moment when you feel calm, at peace and ready to move forward in life and that’s when you know you’re ready. Try not to listen to what others think or say, only you know what’s right for your relationship and your emotional health at this stage of the game.
Be aware that children may still be coming to terms with their own loss and could see dating as being disrespectful to their father, or mother’s memory.
Love Is Forever
Just because you find someone else doesn’t mean you’ve stopped loving your dear departed husband, or wife. Contrary to popular belief, when questioned many of us said we would much rather our partner was able to find happiness with someone else if we were no longer around, than being incredibly lonely but staying ‘faithful’ to our memory.
Flickr Image: Rachel Samanyi